


Saint Mulder (shortly after Fire and Scully's Dad Passing. Season 1.)

by standardprocedure



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, POV Fox Mulder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 10:27:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18547930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/standardprocedure/pseuds/standardprocedure
Summary: Mulder meets with Scully's favorite Priest, who delivers an emotional wish of Dana's.Mulder reflects on sacrifices Scully has made for the Faith, her family, and for himself.This MSR is sweet, intimate, in Mulder's POV.Yass, adult content but softly applied.Nice comments and Kudos-I love them.I try not to have typos  Have mercy.





	Saint Mulder (shortly after Fire and Scully's Dad Passing. Season 1.)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fragilevixen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilevixen/gifts).



Why Scully could not make this meeting with said Priest is a damn shame. She’s the Catholic. I wonder if she’s got a guilt complex with the Church? Everyone has a guilt complex with the Church. I already feel in trouble.

“Special Agent Fox Mulder.” Father opens the iron doors, as if he was looking out the windows for me

 “You’re not the usual MIB for me.”

“Well, our dear Scully requested we meet. Father Andrew,” He smiles, softly.

“She did?” I look around. “Is this an intervention?”

“Come to my office, Agent Mulder. Whiskey or soda?”

“I need a whiskey to burn in Hell?”

“Ahh, she told me about your personality. Now I know why she called for help.” He took out 2 glasses with ice, as if he knows I will need a drink.

“Why would she need help?” Leaning towards me, I can see the aged blue eyes staring at his hands, then up to me.

“She said it would be easier for me to explain the dilemma-it gets rather emotional. She trusts you, but-it’s tough to explain. She gave that job to me.” He chuckles, a soft kick in the labored breathing.

He slides a letter towards me. “We will consider this an official Confession as I never shall discuss this with anyone, besides her, or you. She asked for considerable help.

"I’ve known Dana for ages, and sometimes, I can sense when a child will have a hard journey. She’s intelligent and compassionate. I knew she’d go far, just not how far. Most of the peers of her time have already hit marriage and children,some divorced.

She speaks well of you. No regrets".

 “Speaks well of me? Is this a set up?” I can’t help but stifle a laugh, except his eyes have turned a tone softer.

“A Scientist who never lost her Faith, a Catholic who never dismissed her calling. She’d give her life to protect you. I’m relieved she has the partner she does. Treats her right, that’s my concern. We can all be jackasses, can’t we?”

“Sure, but Scully scared? She’s usually about ready to kick my nuts.” My eyes sail up to his few Saint pictures on his wall. I rock my toes back and forth.

“Do I read the letter first or do you want me to explain first?” He sighs. “I’ll make it short.”

He holds his cheek. “Dana wants your help and I conclude I agree with her.” I open the letter, wondering what the hell. “I could not meet with you for two weeks, so she won’t be obsessed or worried as you consider her.”

Focusing on the letter, her handwriting clear.

_**Trust.** _

 

I move the letter towards him. He reads, nodding. “Well, she left me to explain. I don’t blame her.” 

I feel this energy spin over my head.

 “When I first met her, I saw in her face that she was going to give more to this planet than take. Not an easy path, that’s for sure. I know that pain. She’s always had this devotion to the Faith,and I doubt she tells you.

 It’s hard to hold on in such a valley of sorrow. Yet, if you look at her closer, you’ll see that faith, that innocence. Most people see her degrees, or the color of her lipstick. Do you see both sides?”

“Sometimes. I try to see eye to eye with her, despite the height difference.”

“Cheap shot. Agent Mulder, she wants you to consider...being her first lover. Staying partners, staying friends. That’s important, she doesn’t want to lose you as a partner over this.”

“What. Wait. Geezus. What?”

“She held out on experiencing sex, I think because she wanted to wait like her parents. Always looked up to her Pops. The other girls got married while she worked to become Doctor Scully, and now, she watches over you. She’s not out to get you, seems to think you still don’t trust her.” “

Scully wants us to have sex? Cause this needs to be abundantly clear, not a joke."

 

“She thinks you’d never be attracted to her, she’s not like the girls in your tape drawer.”

“That could not be further from the truth. I’m protective of her, I keep my boundaries, because I cherish her.”

“Mulder, I’m paying back her kindness-to me.” He takes out tissues, and for some reason needs to grip a thick black rosary. “I walked into the forest, until I could see the Church no more. Not that I looked back. I looked out one more time at the vastness of nature, and found that solid tree that  held a man before.

The pain stops, I feel hollow. I'd have peace in minutes. The greens behind me crunch, and this little Dana runs out. My Dana, God’s Dana, Your Dana. She must’ve been about eighth grade. “Andy, please no!” She grabbed my hand, hard as anyone could.

The only person who calls me Father Andy. I remember she swung me to the ground, and I broke down in her arms. I cried, her hot tears falling. “You went to the tree. I’m not going to let you up. Please. You're not going to do this. Please.”

Her begging and alarmed tears, she hugs me closer than I had been since a child. “You tell me, and I won’t tell anyone. No fibbing. I love you more than your cloth, Andy.” My breathing slowed, I recall telling her my angst of wanting to be with a gentleman I knew, to experience life of being a couple.

Being in love but in a forbidden state. She held me, her voice walking me down a path that to be in love, even in secret-would only make me a happier person. If I cut out, I’d never know my lover-all for this simple fearful red tape.

She reminded me, gave me the permission I would not give myself, to be who I needed. She made me promise to give myself a chance with him, that if God truly wanted to punish me for it-she’d take it for me.”

 

I give him a moment, my eyes closed picturing a younger Scully’s comfort to him. “Once I loved, the fear went away. Within weeks, my joy true. Only she could have done that, gone through the brambles and trees, scratches to her legs. I owe her more than one miracle.”

“She’s in the same place you were, emotionally?”

“She forgot her needs for a long while. Her parents. Medicine. The audacity to leave medicine, how dare she seek happiness? I think she realizes this now, that she can make her choices-the play by play for others approval fruitless. I’m asking you to grant her that same reflection.”

“Scully’s not thinking of taking her life, is she?”

“Oh no, not at all. Besides, you seem quite interesting to stick around for. You need each other." He slides the chunky rosary my way.

“Give this to her, in time. I appreciate your willingness to meet. Take care of her.”

I wonder how I will stand up and function.

“Oh, and Mr. Mulder, she deserves the blessing. I bless this union of friendship and love between Dana Katherine Scully and her beloved Fox Mulder, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen."

He crosses me, and I follow the best I can. The complexity of the Catholic Faith has always escaped my understanding, a faith so essential yet hurts so much.

I can only compare it to my own quest for truth, understanding, countless manic places contemplating the worst of men and the best of what cannot be explained.

I have a devotion, a fear, a faith-and that is what I align with her Faith. Dare I note it’s our feeble attempts at hope, redemption, peace. I try not to scold myself for assuming, taking advantage that she must have a seasoned past-well liked, attractive, exceptional.

 More than that, her climb in Medicine, joining the F.B.I., commanding force and aim better than me. She’s the Scientist, the logical one, the debunker-and still inside her basic complexity is a belief that by now lives in her DNA.

I research the Faith, skipping over their current issues and past mistakes.I want to feel her drive.

Her move into medicine, and then to the present-a bold move for the modern Catholic woman. She’s held more guilt of the rebellion for joining us, which is still a man’s world. An alpha world.

 Her parents cannot understand the support she’d need to go into this mess. I never thought the heaviness she was made to feel. Denied an emotional support and celebration for being strong.  _They gave her a hard time to protect her._

 

Her drive to please them, for sure her Father must have taken a damn hurt to her. Probably resisted the whole love and dating thing to redeem herself.

 She never does anything easy.

Andy saw her suffering, exceptionally. An older man feeling the need to wrap up business. My head hurts. I know her path to suffering is closely related to being beside me.

Now and the future.

Fitting myself into a few random Masses, watching in the darkest corners of the Church-letting my eyes blur during Adoration.

I had let Phoebe Green come in, I should have pushed her away. Guarded Scully. I allowed Phoebe to use her rapture on Dana-not me. I thought it was to be burn me.

Fuck, I almost slept with her, again. Even knowing she is one of the experiences that makes me push intimacy away as far as I can. I didn’t comfort Scully, she comforted me.

Her Dad dying, I haven’t been close enough. If anything, I tried to contain her sorrow and not let it bleed out. Protecting myself from seeing her pain, feeling it. Now I feel the weight, what she’s taken on for me.

In the following days I become rather attached to prayers to Saint Philomena, her likeness painted among scarlet red rosary beads. The story goes she was a thirteen year old consecrated Virgin, her throat slit rather than betray her Faith.

Patron Saint of infants, babies, Lost causes, I am certain that’s me. Being Sterile. Not sure if that’s sterile instruments but I assume it’s infertility.

She seems like a Scully type, without a gun. Now I’m giving devotion, I need all the help I can get. Scully says she wants this, but what if I lose her? Ruins our friendship? She resigns as my partner.

The only way to find peace, is to consider her happiness above my fear of pain. If I truly want her happy, I’m going to have to surrender that to her. It is what it is.

**Friday Morning, Basement Stairs.**

Knowing what I have to do, am not going to chicken out on this time. Pretending this is not consuming me has left sunglasses stuck on my face. I've said my eyes are tired, and they are.

She acts normal, besides giving me a few weird looks. I delay a case that can wait. “Mulder, I'm worried about you.” She sat on my desk yesterday and I nearly fell backwards.

I've only walked as slow as possible to my own martyrdom today. My courage slips, feet betraying me as I take a nice fall down the final 4 steps. She runs out, I'm yelping in pain. “It's just my back. Lower.”

Her fingers already tracing my body, “do you need ice? Can you sit up? We need to write a report.”

“No, it's my fault. I'll be fine. Wish my butt was padded.”

“They all say they'll be fine till they end up on my autopsy report.” Her eyes smile, and now I feel more relaxed.

I need to get us into the Office, away from whomever may by chance care. She insists on being a crutch for me to my desk. “Scully, I'd like you to consider one night with me.” The end of my words rush out.

“Mulder, you're hurt.” Her eyes looking into my pupils.

“This has been on my mind. The sunglasses. Eleven days.”

“You're mighty desperate. You mean you and me, the Devil's Tango?”

“Umm, I would choose a softer terminology. Is that medical speak?”

She boops my nose, “are you sure? It would have to be at my place. I'm up for it.”

“Can I have some ibuprofen? I know you ladies carry that stuff like candy.”

“Well, aren't you grateful?” She places two pills in my hand, and her lukewarm black espresso.

“Damn, that's strong.”

“It works, if you can handle a challenge.” She's shut our door, locked it. “Too early for a kiss?” Andddd she dives in first. On my lips, hand stroking my cheek. Avoiding resting on me. “Drink your coffee.”

“Taking advantage of a patient?”

“You wish. I hope you're not benched for long.”

“I'll be fine. Walk it off.” “Tonight? Say, seven?”

She beams.

“Yes. You're leaving?”

“Mulder, someone has to prepare a place for you." That's a teasing smile.“You'll be alright.”

That was a tad easier than I anticipated. Holy shit. Devil's Tango with Scully. Tonight. 7 PM

 

 

**In Scully's Arms, There Are Many Dwelling Places**

 Mudder Fuggin Ding Dong. This is it. This is it. “Hey, Big Time, it's 6:57."

“Not in Rome.” She's tickled, “how sore?”

“Not sore enough.”

“Stable.” She leans me against a portion of her wall not covered with photos. I lower myself to kiss her. Rolling her to the wall, lifting her up. “Eek, Mulder, I'm gonna fall.”

“For me.”

“You fucker.”

“Be nice, I come with gifts.” I set her down, showing her the balloons. “Parrots? Unicorns?” “There's an alien one in the back.”

“I like it. How personal.”

“Look at the Alien.” I grin. I did have those spell stickers write S-C-U-L-L-Y across the front.

I look down at her, well, up and down. A white babydoll shirt, and boyfriend jeans. This is a departure from my usual Scully. Her fingernails painted the hue of powder blue. “I made you sweet potato pie for later. Two, I know you.”

I pause to admire her face, charmed.

“You’re making me nervous.” Finally, she blushes.

“Nothing to be nervous about, Scully. One last look before I take you into that bedroom, and then, take you."

She has the ambiance ready. I hear the tiny feng shui stone fountain flowing water, the scent of vanilla in the air, music beating softly from the other room. “I’m gonna love you like no one ever has, or will. Like I never have.”

I kiss her gently, nuzzling her. My hands holding her as she grips around my neck. I take off my shoes, jeans, and leave my shirt on.

Kissing down her body, mouthing the softest assurances. She's antsy, warm, more ecstatic than I've had before. Talk about a sex kitten. I love everything about her. She's ready, I keep our shirts on.

Is it concern for “I” “She” or “We”? Aligning myself to her. Stroking before softer pushes. Her body accepts me, as if this was planned. “Dana?”

“I'm good now,” she exhales.

“I can't believe I'm inside you. Inside my Scully. This is...amazingness.”

She giggles. "You're only here because Bigfoot never called back."

Her grin lit and becoming. “Just, no pressure for me to orgasm this time. That's what makes me nervous.”

“I wouldn't push it. My dear, I love this but we need to not overwork ourselves. It doesn't have to be long to be sweet.”

“Yeah, I'm not as prepared as I thought. I'm on the Pill. We haven't talked about that.”

“Geez, I didn't think of that. I just want you to be happy. Are you happy?”

“With eternal joy. Don't get cocky on me.”

I roll into her, softly letting myself go. She relishes the feeling. I kiss her temple, holding her hand. "We totally firetrucked."

Spending the weekend with her was easy. I survived off her sweet potato pie. A honeymoon season, a silly sensual Scully who commands her orgasms with ease .Our final cuddle before I leave, Monday on the Horizon.

“Something last.” I present the rosary in her hands. “Andy wanted you to have it.”

“When?”

"Now? I guess."

“When did you meet...talk about me?”

“Two weeks ago, I met with him right away after you called."

"Called you?”

“You called him. The hanging tree. He told me all about it.”

“He died before our assignment together.” Tears floated up her eyes. “The tree? Only we knew that. I have prayed he help me, watch over us. Andy left the Priesthood, did he tell you that?”

“He gave you his blessing. Us. Said our partnership is as union, that you'd like the blessing. Exceptional."

 

“That's all I wanted. Besides you.I wanted to feel that blessing." She needs to be held, and honestly I'm shaking. Not scared, shocked. Someone could go to the extent he has for her, to grant her that kiss of peace.

We didn't make love after that, for a long time. I kept myself from thinking of her romantically, lest I go crazy. She's happy. I'm happy.

Saint Philomena is next to a faded copy of Andy's obituary, hidden in an encyclopedia. Sometimes, I have to recall love is not limited to a beating heart.

I trust her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

Author Note: My fascination with Scully's faith comes from my own struggle. As an 11 year old, I'd keep my eyes locked on the X-Files, wishing Mulder and Scully would burst in with guns. A 42 yr old man had "time" with me, Mom being paid. My love for Mulder and Scully an essential role in survival, and hope.

 

Now I pay a hefty price for what occurred 2 decades ago. I like to write stories as I wish life to be. Experiences I'll never understand. In a whimsical world, I find redemption. Keep your chin up, Starbuck.

Growing up with a framework of Christianity, particularly Catholicism, can be rather consuming in the choice of intimacy. This piece inspired by that emotional debate inside the heart of "letting others down."

 

In Memory of Mac Miller (Malcolm McCormick) Lyrics from “2009”, his favorite track on his last album.

“Yeah, they ask me what I'm smilin' for Well, because I've never been this high before It's like I never felt alive before Mhmm, I'd rather have me peace of mind than war See me and you, we ain't that different I struck the fuck out and then I came back swingin' Take my time to finish, mind my business A life ain't a life 'til you live it I was diggin' me a hole big enough to bury my soul Weight of the world, I gotta carry my own My own, with these songs I can carry you home I'm right here when you scared and alone And I ain't never in a hurry You don't ever gotta worry Even when it's 7:30 and the time is runnin' low When your heart get cold See what's behind all them unturned stones And I'm a pro when it come to my job But really I'm just tryna start believin' in God.

💙 I wrote this piece playing NPR's Tiny Desk Concert of Mac Miller, which can be found on good old Youtube.💙

 

 

Thank you to Luke Perry, who sent me a twitter of encouragement during a dark time, when I mourned my own pain with my local Catholic Church. That was my first ray of hope that I could lift my chin up again. Always create more than the trolls. That kindness will not be forgotten.

💙💙💙💙💙💙 Thank you for spending time with us.💙💙💙💙💙💙


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